Late night amusements.

Okay, so my sleep is totally off. I also had an unusually busy, albeit uber-social weekend (when I GENERALLY prefer to just SLEEP AND REST), along with the time change ... so I have been feeling wonky since like, 7:30pm. I really really really felt sleep at 9:30. And I just woke up at 1:30am. So, whatever.

I was trolling through eBay (again) for some old vintage stuff that I find very interesting. I AM trying to be more discriminating, since I have some things already, and of course space is an issue.

Anyway, in the last month or so, I have come across some listings that leave me utterly bewildered.

I don't know, I find them so hilarious. It's probably NOT nice of me because it falls into the realm of mockery and making fun of people. But it's not like I'm going to out them or anything. Some people that I encounter just make me wonder WHAT on earth they are REALLY like in real life. Also, I need to say -I HATE SPELLING ERRORS AND GRAMMATICAL INEPTITUDE WITH A FIERY, BURNING, PASSION. I just find them so entirely odious. And then I kind of hate myself a little bit when I see my own mistakes. But other people do it more. :P I swear I am not REALLY a grammar Nazi (half the stuff I do is done on PURPOSE, I SWEAR, because I am speaking in THE DIALECT I CALL TONGUE IN CHEEK), but on the inside, I'd be mighty chuffed if someone DID call me that in earnest. :)

In the end, I realize that people PROBABLY are not doing this on purpose and PROBABLY do the best that they can, but geez, would it hurt to be a little more aware of some of the basics? And spell check!! It's free!!! It's standard!! See, there's no excuse in that regard. "If you don't know, you better HIRE somebody who does, dammit."

Okay, so the first *disturbing* listing I found a couple weeks ago. I actually had it saved to post and hadn't gotten around to it until now. I just needed tonight's inspiration, I guess!!

eBay. I swear it just about does me in sometimes. Did you HEAR about the giant cupcake cookie jars that Target was selling for Valentine's Day for $14.99? Limited availability, VERY limited. Had I known, I'd gotten all 6 that I saw when they first came out.

BECAUSE THEY SOLD ON EBAY FOR $200 EACH, PLUS SHIPPING.

Even IF packing breakables is a pain in the butt ... THE RETURN ON THAT IS JUST INCREDIBLE!!! :( Yeah. Shoulda-woulda-coulda all the way to $1200. Ha.

:)

Are you ready for this???

Verbatim, except for identifying details removed, please - and the red is the junk that I found so strange, yet ultimately amusing. This woman had two similar products listed with similar listings. I took the liberty of replacing the name of the lotion with [THIS STUFF I AM TRYING TO SELL YOU] the name of the gel with [OTHER STUFF I AM TRYING TO SELL YOU].

Exhibit A:
Ladies and Gentlemen! This is the BEST BODY LOTION I have ever used! I use it daily! Its great to moisturize when traveling! I have searched long and hard for that unique body lotion that will absorb quickly and LEAVE NO OILY RESIDUE. This skin moisturizer is it! I absolutely love the smell. Its not strong or overwhelming. Its light scent is as close to the fresh fragrance of oceanside sea air as you can get! I use it on mostly on my extrimities including my arms, legs, hands, and feet, but sometimes when I'm in a rush will apply it to my face. I was always searching for that mystical amazing moisturizer that would replenish and rehydrate my skin, remineralize, calm, smooth, and rejuvenate my skin's surface without an oily residue that stays on for hours. I almost thought there wasn't such the perfect skin cream out there until I discovered [THIS STUFF I AM TRYING TO SELL YOU]. You just have to try [THIS STUFF I AM TRYING TO SELL YOU]. This is the best lotion out there.

I use this body lotion exclusively with my [OTHER STUFF I AM TRYING TO SELL YOU]. Together they make an incredible team. Mostly I use the [other stuff] at home and then this lotion when I go out shopping, dining, sports events, family gatherings, trips, anywhere really. It really absorbs fast, goes on smoothe, and gives my skin that simple shine. I would say I use the [OTHER STUFF] more often for my face and intimate places and the body lotion for my arms, legs, hands, and feet. You really have to try this lotion. The more often you apply the more amazing results!

There you have it. These are my testiments to why you should try [THIS STUFF I AM TRYING TO SELL YOU].

Exhibit B:
Ladies and Gentlemen! This is the BEST [OTHER STUFF] I have ever used! I use it daily! I have searched long and hard for that unique face and body lotion that will apply on smoothly and LEAVE NO OILY RESIDUE. This skin moisturizer is it! I absolutely love the smell. Its not strong or overwhelming. Its light scent is as close to the fresh fragrance of oceanside sea air as you can get! I use it on my face and on my body. On the bottle it doesn't say whether its for face or body, it just says its for skin. I have skin on my face and on my body...so it goes both places. What I have done in the past is use a face lotion for my body. I like doing this because they always seem to make the face lotions and moisturizers better and smoother. I care just as much about my body as I do my face, so I continued with this type of application. I was always searching for that mystical amazing moisturizer that would replenish and rehydrate my skin, remineralize, calm, smooth, and rejuvenate my skin's surface without an oily residue that stays on for hours. I almost thought there wasn't such the perfect skin cream out there until I discovered [OTHER STUFF]. You just have to try this [OTHER STUFF]. Its not a lotion. Its not a cream. Its not a butter. ITS A [OTHER STUFF].

I have classified skin care terminology into these four categories and rank them based upon my own experience and their actual performance.

Lotion: It just hydrates and smells sweet.
Cream: Its smooth, but still oily.
Butter: Its very smooth, hydrates, and soothes, but just isn't a SOUFFLE
SOUFFLE: This is the best of the best. It hydrates, smooths the surface, soothes the tension, remineralizes, AND DOESN'T LEAVE THE RESIDUE.

There you have it. These are my testiments to why you should try [OTHER STUFF].

Le sigh. Can we say hyperbole? Can we say TMI? Whyyyyyyyyy did I need to hearrrrrrrr t hissssssssssssssssssssss.

I don't NEED to hear about your "extrimities" and yer frickin' FEET (honestly, was that mention REALLY necessary???) OR EVEN THE GOSHDARN TENSION-LADEN REMINERALIZED "INTIMATE PLACES"!

Keep your intimates PRIVATE and to your own personal SELF, PLEASE.

*le huff*

At least she's consistent with her general lack of apostrophes, rather than the more commonly seen problem of it's it's it's it's it's ubiquitous frickin' presence everywhere!

Man, I'm getting myself all worked up over there.

Hee.

I will end with this -

Exhibit C:
I read a listing for a neat old photo album of some college students.

Maybe it was a special school.

You decide.

Because apparently, in the photos, "First 12 pages contains teachers and students with their signature below the pictures, I see one Black and Japanese Student the rest appears to be all male."

Gee, I didn't know those labels were mutually exclusive.

Au revoir.

:)